Mommy Wars

I personally find it really sad that moms so often pit themselves against one another. We really should be working together to motivate and encourage one another. We have a difficult and sometimes thankless job and the support can really go a long way!

It is such a waste of time and energy to get involved with these mommy wars. What good really comes from engaging in these battles? Inevitably someone's feelings are going to get hurt, and truly how often does someone change their position as a result? 

I began to discover this when I first got married and became a stepmom. There was the instant division between "real" moms and stepmoms ("fake" moms?) and there is a lot of animosity there for some people.

There are a lot of stereotypes of stepmoms, some of them stemming way back hundreds of years ago when tales such as Cinderella and Hensel and Gretel were changed to say "stepmother" instead of "mother" as was in the original stories.

There are stereotypes based on misunderstands and underlying fears. Many stepmoms attend school events of their stepchildren and are stunned to find themselves shunned from the "mommy club".

It appears that many moms are insecure about stepmoms so they are instantly fearful when one appears on the scene. Are they afraid that they will be replaced by a stepmom? Are they afraid the children's natural mother will snub them if they are nice to the stepmom? I really don't know because though I am a mom I am not threatened by stepmoms that I meet.


It wasn't until I had my son that I discovered the REAL mommy wars going on. It's no wonder some moms are so threatened by stepmoms when they are so threatened by other moms.

The battles engaged in on the mommy war battle front seem to be never ending and they start so early too.

I've heard some moms claim that you're not "really" a parent until you have more than one child. What exactly does that make a "parent" of one child? A fake parent? Right up there with stepparents. Those imposters with only one child, they only think they are parents.

I have no doubts that adding children to the scene changes the dynamic of the entire family as well as the parent/child relationships. (I will find this out very soon for myself.) But even though it may be more complicated, it may be more difficult, it may well be far more wonderful - I would never dare to say that someone who has a child is not REALLY a parent.

Then there are many other battle fronts, all you have to do is go to a mommy forum site and you will find these battles raging.

- Natural birth vs drugs vs cesarean
- Formula vs breastfeeding
- Binky vs thumb vs nothing
- Working moms vs stay at home moms vs work at home moms
- Co sleeping vs crib sleeping
- Vaccinating vs non vaccinating vs selective vaccinating
- Discipline methods
- Organic foods vs non organic
- Daycare vs no daycare
- Preschool vs play
- TV vs no tv vs limited tv vs educational tv vs preschool programming
- Public school vs private school vs home school
- Many, many more...

Who are the real winners? Who are the real losers? Who is the best mom? Who is the worst mom? Who is right? Who is wrong?

Or a better question...who cares???

None of these battles are life or death issues. They are issues of opinion and each mom is given the right to look at all sides and choose what is best for her children and family.

We would all be a lot better off if we could simply support one another, agree to disagree on certain issues, and help one another out.

Just think what our kids could learn if they had that kind of example to look up to!

Being insecure and fighting to the death an opinion doesn't teach the values to our kids that we really want to impart to them. (Maybe those are values that some want to give to their kids. I find that sad personally.)


What do you think?

1 comments:

nottwins said...

Thank you! This is so true - rather than emphasizing our differences, we should support each other's right to make the choices we feel are best for our children.

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